Habit Training
We are, for good or for bad, both exercising and building stronger habits every single day.
It is a sobering consideration- that which I invest in today will be who I am tomorrow.
What a man sows, that shall he also reap.
Since becoming a mother it has been humbling to see so much of myself revealed through my children. Certainly, they are persons of their own right and act accordingly. But at the same time, I model so much for them and when they are short tempered, sarcastic, or impatient very often they are simply modeling what they have seen done.
The line between character and habit may be blurred – I don’t mean to. They’re different, though tightly woven. I like to think of it this way -your character defines you and it is made up of various habits.
Discipline is a habit.
Brushing your teeth every day is a very specific form of the habit of discipline.
One’s character could be defined as disciplined.
One’s character could not be defined as brushing their teeth.
I’m sure this division of character and habit could be argued. Or more sophisticatedly stated. But for the sake of clarification – I think our habits create our greater whole – our character. But sometimes when talking about habits it looks like we are talking about character.
I have been inspired by the writings of Charlotte Mason and by mothers I know who have taken the time to intentionally build up their children’s character by intentionally focusing on good habit development. It is hard work, but it is an investment for the future and one I believe will be worthwhile.
Building good habits is something we actively work on with our boys, but the benefit is for my sake, too. As they are growing and developing in character, I am too. Modeling is the best teacher, and this intentional work of building good habits has revealed a lot of my own lack. But despite my own lack, we press on.
Laying Down the Rails
Consider for a moment this quote from Charlotte Mason on the matter of habits;
“This relation of habit to human life––as the rails on which it runs to a locomotive––is perhaps the most suggestive and helpful to the educator; for just as it is on the whole easier for the locomotive to pursue its way on the rails than to take a disastrous run off them, so it is easier for the child to follow lines of habit carefully laid down than to run off these lines at his peril.”
Lines of habit carefully laid down – this is what we have attempted in our home. It can be tiring and feel futile, but time and again I have seen that where take the time to carefully lay down good habits, eventually they become like tracks that are smoothly traveled upon.
Further Reading
If this is a new idea to you, I recommend some further reading and studying on this subject. A Charlotte Mason Companion and For the Children’s Sake are two books that discuss habit building {both talk from the perspective of home educating children being best and discuss other aspects of homeschooling} but habit building is included in there and I think families that educate their children by other means would also benefit from these books, especially For the Children’s Sake.
Laying down the Rails is a very practical book that solely focuses on habit building. It lays out all of the habits that Charlotte Mason referenced in her writings and has quotes and a short story to illustrate the habit. I have appreciated owning the book but would not consider it essential.
We have been focusing on habit building since 2012. How it plays out has varied through the seasons, but I have found that I must be intentional about it or it simply becomes a good intention.
Using Laying down the Rails, and analyzing our own family dynamics and needs, I pick out our habits for the year all at once. This originally started out as a calendar year schedule, starting in January. There was a sense of new beginning and enthusiasm when approached this way. For practical reasons it turned into part of my school year planning, following a school year schedule. The first couple of years I did one habit per month. This worked well for us. It has since evolved into 6 habits per school year – one per each six week term. This also works well for us now. Bottom line – plan what will work within your own personality and family dynamics. But without a plan it is sure to fail.
How Things Changed
When we started back in 2012 it was extremely involved. I had games, stories, object lessons and activities to go along with each habit. Every day we would do or discuss something related to the current habit. We had friends over for dinner whose job required diligence in that particular habit (ie. Nurses came over to emphasize the habit of Listening.) It was excellent for all of us. But that was also when we had the luxury of time and not so many other tasks to complete. It has since evolved into something a little less involved.
Quotes, Bible verses, and hymns are our primary focus point for our habits – all being utilized as copywork exercises and springboards for discussions. Games and activities still occur, but are much more organic in nature as opposed to me planning them out.
At the start of each month the boys fill out a blank calendar. This is both for calendar building skills and also where they are first introduced to their new habit. The new habit is written on the blank calendar page and they draw a picture illustrating this habit. This worked wonderfully and smoothly when we did one habit per month. It was an added complication when we switched to one habit per term, but we navigate through that.
Getting Started on Habit Training
All of the posts within this blog on the subject of habits can be found right here.
Let me explain briefly how they are organized. Each habit has three posts – Developing, Games, and Memory & Copy Work. Currently, they are not back to back posts and you’ll have to find each of the three related posts – eventually they’ll be better organized!
Developing talks briefly about the habit.
Games shares some fun games that relate to the habit.
Memory and Copy Work are verses or quotes that pertain to the habit, which we utilized for both memory and copy work.
If You Had to Pick One Habit
Prior to our official focused start on Habit Training in 2012 we had been very focused on obedience. I would highly recommend that this be the main focus for families starting out with a desire to train their children. I have written more on obedience in this post The Expectation of Obedience.
It has never ceased to amaze me at what I learned through teaching my children intentional habits, and when obedience was our focus I was struck with how in requiring obedience of my children I need to be very careful in what I ask of them. It is a heavy responsibility to train our children to obedience, and it is a humbling one as you see them start to obey. Make sure you are neither provoking nor thoughtlessly making commands of them, but rather examine your own life and strive to live in obedience to Christ, as ultimately this is why we are teaching the children to obey – so that they might one day move from our stewardship of them to being fully responsible to God themselves.
Our First 12
To give you an idea of what our first year looked like, in 2012 these were the habits we focused on:
January -Thankfulness
February – Listening to What is Being Said
March – Encouraging Others
April – Put Away What you Touch
May – Pay Attention to Others Needs
June – Put Away Things Without Being Asked
July – Keeping Your Word
August – Speaking Well of Others
September -Getting Rid of the Clutter
October – Responding Cheerfully
November – Serve Others
December – Mean what you say
Quotes about Habit Building
Of course, Charlotte Mason has much to say about Habit building. Her words are encouraging and inspiring, and so I will share with you just a few of her thoughts on habit building;
