Hospitality – Through Generations

We live in a really busy world that makes not doing hospitality really easy. From packed schedules, to personal struggles, to never having had it modeled – hospitality isn’t sitting heavily on our minds, and when it does for a fleeting moment there is always the question of what does hospitality even look like? And that stumps most of us because, I’m finding, most people don’t have an example of what hospitality could look like.

When I was a teenager there were a handful of women that stepped out in obedience to the Lord and invested of themselves in me and showed me what hospitality could look like. I recall that there were conversations on their couches, coffee shop dates, and meet ups at a park. It’s a bit of a blur what they specifically did, or what they specifically said but the overwhelming feeling was two-fold; I was loved, and they wanted to encourage me to love the Lord.

At 19 I married and we lived in three states in 18 months, I had two babies in the next 18 months, a husband that was away more than he was home (thanks to the US Army), and we lived far from family and friends. I felt very sorry for myself and I asked the Lord what I should do about this self pity and it became very evident that I should do exactly what had been so beautifully modeled for me: find a younger woman and let her know she is loved and encourage her to love the Lord, and show her what hospitality could look like.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says ” No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

In reflection, I can see that hospitality in that hard season became my way of escape from self pity.

The Lord brought a series of young women into my life during those early years and I would have them over one on one. Sometimes for dinner, sometimes after the kids were in bed. Usually Paul was away on mission. My house was always a mess. I was likely always one day past due for a shower, and I don’t even recall offering them snacks if they weren’t there for supper. There was no organized plan or grand purpose in having them over – I simply wanted to let them know they were loved and encourage them to love the Lord themselves.

I remember the feeling of inadequacy each time I would invite a cool college girl over to spend time with me in the ordinary of my everyday life. Here’s the funny thing: that feeling hasn’t gone away. Every intentional pursuit of a relationship starts with a dying to self – the self doubt, the self indulgence, the self pity.

It has been over a decade, and one of those young women recently reached out for us to reconnect, which has been wonderful and beautiful. But it has also caused some reflecting on that season with those girls and the feeble beginnings of hospitality and mentoring. I cringe a little at the lacks I know were there as a young twenty something year old attempting to model what had been so monumental in my life. I know the inadequacies that were there, all of my lacks and insufficiencies, but despite all of that I am so thankful I obeyed God and didn’t let my own shortcomings keep me from these precious relationships.

As I thought through what had once been, I decided I would ask two of them if they would write about what that season was to them now that we are over a decade removed from it and they are both young mothers with busy homes. They both graciously agreed to write about it from their perspective, and as I awaited their response I had the idea to reach out to one of the older women that sticks out in my mind as being an outstanding example of hospitality and discipleship to younger women. She had me in her home many times prior to me getting married and moving away at 19, but I know she has always had and has continued to have women in her home.

This older woman holds a key part in my life as an example of what a Titus 2 woman can look like, and as an example for me to follow in reaching out to younger women and so I asked her why she shows hospitality.

Below you will find three guest posts, the first written by the older woman who led by example and the second two are from the younger women. I am a little embarrassed to share those two because they’re very generous and kind, but here’s the bigger point – they felt loved and encouraged and all of my insufficiencies in that season didn’t matter.

I am so touched by all three of their responses and I pray as you read through them they cast a vision for what hospitality can be, and put to rest all concerns of inadequacies and fears of the unknown. God has told us to show hospitality to others, and He has specifically told us to teach younger women – and that qualifies you.

My parents modeled hospitality & discipleship within our home when I was growing up.  They did not grow up in Christian homes but after they were married there were 3 or 4 older couples in the church who use to invite them for Sunday lunch and mentored them as older teens/young adults.  It was a Titus 2 situation in that Brethren church, Greenwood Bible Chapel.
In fact those older couples from Greenwood had children who were about 10 years older than me and they took an interest in my discipleship as well when I was a young adult & married woman.  

My parents knew that the home was the first place we learned about the Christian faith – my father always wanted to have people back for meals and even though it stressed my Mom she would do it…we learned to help her.
Mom invited our Christian camp director to lead a teen girls Bible Study from our house when I was a teen so I could invite friends but also wrestle with my faith questions with a strong Christian woman. It was a wise investment!!

Mom & Dad taught us that hospitality was a Biblical command and New Testament churches met in homes not buildings.  Lydia was an example.

When I was at university and had my own place in London I would always open the place up for the young adults to meet for pot luck or after church.  It was a witness to my unsaved roommates.
When I moved back to Toronto and lived with my Mom she would alway invite missionaries or MK’s from SIM back for meals.  
When I was a single working woman teaching full-time – I had Christians students who went off to GTA universities and wanted a Christian Bible study group so I opened up my home to meet every two weeks for 2 years – it was a way for them to keep connected yet get spiritual encouragement.

I never have been a creative cook or fancy decorator – pretty plain & simple foods/decor but I found teens/young adults just want to crash some place to talk where they felt safe, could relax with others and share/question spiritual truths.  They want to see faith lived out…

Before I got engaged I told Steve that he would have to join me in hospitality/ministry as it was so important that I continue to support Christian young adults/teens at school, church & in our home….he agreed because his parents had modeled hospitality weekly in his home. 

Our home is a gift from God and we use it to serve Him.  We invite neighbours to Canada Day parties and Christmas Open Houses for 20 years here…they get to realize Christians are not judgmental but friends who care.  Several ended up taking the Alpha course with us and came to know the Lord… 

At one point my daughter in her mid-teens resented that our home was a “church” with Bible studies and people dropping by for counselling/tea as she felt she had lost her privacy and space but over the years she realized the value and her friends loved coming to our house to hang out and feel accepted.  Now she too wants to show hospitality to others when she gets married.

Hi! My name is Michelle, and Jessica recently asked me if I would be willing to share my perspective on hospitality – specifically, her hospitality to me, when we both lived in Augusta, GA, about 10 years ago. I first met Jessica and her family in 2007 when they moved to Georgia and started coming to our church. Her children were very young then, but it didn’t take long after they moved for Jessica to start reaching out to a lot of the college girls like me. The Morris family as a whole was really intentional about investing in the lives of those around them – neighbors, college kids, families at church… They had people in their home all the time. But for me specifically, Jessica was one of my first experiences with refreshing, authentic hospitality. 

When Jessica asked me to share about my experience of being on the receiving end of her hospitality so many years ago, I think she was afraid that she had done it badly, but she was brave enough to ask me anyway! And to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of specifics about the many evenings I spent in her home. I don’t remember what she cooked for dinner, or the condition of her home, or even our topics of conversation during those hours of fellowship. I hope I didn’t bore her with any angsty drama. (Jess, I’m really sorry if there was angsty drama.) 

What I DO remember, however, is thinking, “Man, this Jessica girl is REALLY REFRESHING!” I remember dinners spent around their table, often just with Jess and the boys because Paul was out of town (he was in the military at the time, and had to be away from home more than he liked). I remember sitting on the floor talking with her – occasionally interrupted by a child who wanted to show us a book, or who needed help going potty – and not minding the interruptions at all because it was real life. It was her real, messy life, and it always felt like an honor to me that she had invited me in to see (and participate in) her everyday life. 

It never bothered me if there was a remodeling project going on in the entryway, and I honestly can’t even recall if she kept her kitchen clean or messy, because what mattered to me was the time she spent with me. What made a difference in my life was the wisdom that she shared, her willingness to listen, and the way she genuinely cared about me as a person. And all of that happened in very ordinary, mundane ways. She might have fed me spaghetti for dinner, but nights like those refreshed and fed my very soul.  

I don’t think I realized at the time just how impactful Jessica’s friendship would be during those few years, but I always just kind of had the vague notion that I wanted to be like her when I “grew up.” She was the same person at home that she was at church, and I respected that. Because I was in her home so often, I saw how she parented her small children with patience and wisdom, and I wanted that someday. I thought it was really cool that her boys always invited a bunch of college kids to their birthday parties, because those were their friends, and that was normal to them. Everything about the Morris family and their authenticity was like fresh air to me – community building in a way that I had never experienced before, and I wanted to be that way too.

And then it hit me. Here, now, 10 years down the road, I *am* Jessica. (Well, close enough. Ha!) Right now my life looks pretty similar to what hers did 10 years ago – I’m a mom to a little one, and the wife of a police officer who works unpredictable hours. I’m learning that it’s okay to open my home to people, even if there’s crumbs under the highchair, the toddler is overtired, and my husband gets stuck at work and is late for dinner. Sometimes I have college girls over during my daughter’s naptime so we can chat uninterrupted. Other times I just invite them into the mess and the noise, and pray that they feel loved anyway. I’m trying to be faithful with the time God has given me and to use it to pour into people, and I’m learning not to stress out if my kid throws a tantrum in front of someone. Because people are more important than my ability to appear perfect or like I have it all together (I don’t).

Jessica and her family certainly haven’t been the only ones in my life to model authentic hospitality, but they were definitely the first. Jessica, thank you for the peach canning parties, the homemade meals, and teaching me about Popsicle stick prayer. You showed me that discipleship and being in community wasn’t about putting on a perfect appearance, but about loving people with authenticity. I hope people feel as welcomed and loved in my home as I did in yours. 

When I was in high school, I knew I needed a mentor. Not only did I need it though, a mentor-relationship was something I really wanted. I knew I wanted to be a wife and mother one day; and I also knew I needed guidance on how to pursue the Lord better, plus plenty of wise advice on navigating life.

So, I reached out to an “older” lady at our church at the time. She had several children and was a godly wife, and I just *knew* she would be a perfect mentor. Unfortunately, this particular lady never got back to me on being my mentor. Months later, she ended up writing me a note apologizing for not pursuing this mentor relationship. I was still open to it, but nothing ever came to fruition. Now, I don’t want to throw this dear lady under the bus too quickly. Now that I have four children of my own, I have a taste of just how busy life can get. Her children were older too, and I’m sure she was in the throws of school pickups, soccer games and homework. My intention would never be to put her down. However, when we allow ourselves to be so busy with other things, we can really miss out on some excellent opportunities to grow and pour into other relationships that the Lord could be leading us towards.

After this aforementioned mentor-relationship not succeeding, the opportunity arose to meet with Jessica. Jessica had two very small children at the time, and a husband who was often out of town due to fulfilling the demands of his military job. And yet, in this busy season of life, Jessica chose to open her home to me. No, the house was not always perfectly cleaned. The children were not always absolutely silent. But she opened her home for me, offered me coffee or tea usually, and we sat on her floor talking about the Lord and how to live for Him in a better way. And now, more than 10 years later, I reached out to her. I still remember some of the things we discussed, and how she and her husband chose to live and raise their boys. It sticks out to me in my mind, and truly made a lasting impact! So now when I am raising my kids, I can refer to some of the wisdom she gave me in those early years, as well as have that past connection to “reconnect” just recently.

The Lord works in wonderful ways. I truly believe by Jessica putting aside the alone time she could have been having, or maybe time with Paul when he was home, or even setting aside any pride she may have had about needing things to be a certain way, the Lord caused growth and love and His Word to dwell richly. I didn’t come to see her clean house or to see how well-behaved her children were. I truly wanted to learn from her in her mundane life, and I am so thankful she made time in her schedule to pour into me. She gave of herself and planted the seeds in faith, and the Holy Spirit caused the growth. What a beautiful thing to witness.

Did you noticed both of the younger women, over a decade after the event, both talked about how we sat on the floor. That made me laugh. But moving on.

We need each other. The younger and the older – and while this may not have ever been modeled for you, be the one that breaks the cycle so that no younger woman can say she never knew what hospitality could look like.

The young women I have walked with are so special to me and I don’t mean to detract from that – but they could be any young woman. Find a younger woman in your community and include her in your life, invest in her, and point her to Christ. Show her godly hospitality. I can attest to the fact that your life does not need to be pulled together and your kitchen spotless in order to effectively love.

Elisabeth Elliot says; “Sometimes when we are called to obey, the fear does not subside and we are expected to move against the fear. One must choose to do it afraid.”

If necessary, do hospitality afraid. Remember – people last for eternity.