It is so worthwhile to cultivate a kind, honest friendship in your marriage, and for Paul and me so much of it has been built around conversations. There is a give and take in asking and listening to what may seem like simple questions but that truly build key skills for the harder conversations that are needed in marriage.
The art of listening is hard, and I am finding the longer we are married it isn’t actually getting easier. In fact, the longer we are married the more I realize how much I assume I know things about him, or assume his feelings about things. I’m not entirely off base – it’s been his ideas, feelings, or preferences in a previous season – but he is ever changing (as we all are!) and I don’t always hear what he says with an attentive ear.
My sweet friends Amy and Matt have been married for 18 years and she has always been such a big cheerleader of marriage. The other day Amy shared the sweetest encouragement for marriage:
“If I could offer some marriage advice it would be this: don’t go looking for fresh pastures. Instead, have a fresh set of eyes for your husband or wife. Always strive to grow and change in healthy positive ways, then recognize those positive changes in the other person. Look at them like it’s the first time you’ve clamped eyes on them, because in a way, it is. In our ever-changing cycle of experiences, growth, and time, we have never been this exact version of ourselves. ”
I love that! Such great advice!!
This weekend’s questions for conversations are focused on couples in honor of Valentines Day. Ask them back and forth with each other and enjoy learning new things about each other.
- What qualities (skills, talents, personality, etc.) did I have when we first met that you still see in me now? How have they developed?
- What qualities (skills, talents, personality, etc.) do I have now that I didn’t have at the beginning of our relationship? What is the most surprising one to you?
- What does our home feel like to you? How do I contribute to that?
- If you were to describe me as a candy, what would I be?
- What vacation or trip that we took together would you want to repeat? What would remain the same? What would we do differently?
