One of my favorite things about trips alone with Paul is the time we spend asking and answering questions together. I’ve shared some lists of questions in the past and have 11 additional questions for couples to use to inspire conversations.
Questions are an excellent tool to foster deeper and purposeful conversation, to get to know one another better, to build empathy, understanding, and a stronger bond.
There is no right or wrong way to approach question asking and answering, but I’ll share a little of how we approach it.
1. Set aside time for asking questions. Not every environment is conductive to good asking and listening, so intentionally setting aside the time is important. We have asked these questions in restaurants that were quiet and cozy, and started but then stopped doing them in loud and bustling restaurants.
2. Take turns answering the question first. Even if it’s the same person reading the question, take turns being the first to answer. (Haha. It’s way more work being the first to answer!)
3. Commit to listening to your partners answer. Being a good listener is actually a lot of work, especially if they say something interesting (or that you disagree with!!) But let them finish their answer, and ask clarifying questions if needed.
4. Don’t feel the need to finish all the questions. We spent five days on these eleven questions. I had them prepped and ready to go at the beginning of our trip and every now and then Paul would ask me to read one. We’ve had seasons where it’s just a straight list we work through in a couple hours. In this case if our trip had been shorter we wouldn’t have gotten through them all. That’s just fine! The point is good conversation, not finishing a checklist.
Enjoy getting to know each other better!
Eleven Questions for Married Couples
1. What is something we use to enjoy together that we haven’t done in awhile?
2. What is something you’re surprised I’m good at?
3. What was your favorite memory of us from the past year?
4. What has been the most significant change in our relationship since we got married?
5. What is one goal we could work towards together in the coming year?
6. What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do together but we haven’t tried yet?
7. What is one of the most meaningful experiences we’ve shared together since getting married?
8. What is something that you’ve learned about yourself because of our relationship?
9. What is one way that I can support you better in your personal or professional life?
10. What is one of your proudest accomplishments since we got married?
11. What is one way we could prioritize our relationship more in our busy lives?
Note: any of these can be tweaked to “over our whole marriage” or “in the past year.” Tweak as best fits for you!
